


Wedding

by beforeclocks



Category: Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-14
Updated: 2012-02-14
Packaged: 2017-10-31 04:19:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/339812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beforeclocks/pseuds/beforeclocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A punishment fic written for lapsing into lower case in an all caps comm. Complete crack.</p><p>Vince and Howard are getting married, but nothing can ever just go smoothly for these two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> An old fic written in 2009. Posted here to keep things tidy.

“VINCE! WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS SHIT IN MY KITCHEN?”

“ALRIGHT, CALM IT DOWN NABOO. IT’S DECORATIONS FOR THE PARTY AFTER. LEROY’S COMING OVER IN A MINUTE TO HELP PUT THEM UP.”

“FINE, BUT WHY IS BOLLO,” NABOO GESTURED INTO THE KITCHEN, “DANCING AROUND WEARING FLOWERS ON HIS HEAD?”

“HE'S’ DOING WHAT? BOLLO, YOU PRAT, PUT DOWN MY VEIL! AND STOP SNIFFING THE GLUE, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE PUTTING GLITTER ON THE PLACE CARDS. WHY CAN’T ANYONE DO ANYTHING RIGHT!”

BY THE TIME LEROY ARRIVED TEN MINUTES LATER VINCE WAS SOBBING INTO A CUP OF TEA.

“WHAT’S HAPPENED HERE?” LEROY ASKED NABOO, WHO WAS CURRENTLY BAKING OVER A HUNDRED CUPCAKES. VINCE HAD INSISTED THEY WERE TO BE STACKED TO CREATE A NORMAL WEDDING CAKE.

NABOO WASN’T SURE ANYTHING ABOUT THIS DAY WAS GOING TO BE NORMAL.

“VINCE IS HAVING A BREAK DOWN COS ‘NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT AND WE’RE ALL RUINING HIS SPECIAL DAY.”

“WHERE’S HOWARD THEN?”

“VINCE LOCKED HIM IN THE BATHROOM. HOWARD’S NOT ALLOWED TO SEE THE BRIDE ON THE MORNING OF THE WEDDING,” NABOO EXPLAINED AT LEROY’S CONFUSED FACE.

LEROY MOVED OVER TO WHERE VINCE WAS ROCKING, HIS ARMS WRAPPED AROUND HIS KNEES.

“HEY VINCE. DON’T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD GET READY NOW. YOU’VE ONLY GOT AN HOUR.”

VINCE BROKE OUT INTO A FRESH WAVE OF TEARS SO LEROY SIGHED AND DRAGGED HIM INTO HIS BEDROOM TO GET READY.

\--

ALMOST AN HOUR LATER AND VINCE WAS NEARLY READY. LEROY HAD HAD TO TAKE SEVERAL BREAKS FROM THE WHOLE GETTING READY PROCESS, DUE TO VINCE NOT BEING ABLE TO MAKE HIS MIND UP ON THE COLOUR OF EYE SHADOW OR THE HEIGHT OF HIS HEELS.

WHEN THEY DID FINALLY EMERGE FROM THE BEDROOM, BOLLO INFORMED THEM THAT HOWARD HAD ALREADY GONE AND NABOO WAS ALMOST READY.

“WHAT’S NABOO-?” LEROY BEGAN, BUT WAS CUT SHORT WHEN THE SHAMAN IN QUESTION APPEARED.

LEROY HAD TO STIFLE A GIGGLE.

THE, ADMITTEDLY OVER THE TOP, DRESS SUITED VINCE. LEROY THINKS THAT IN ANOTHER WORLD VINCE WOULD BE A WOMAN, BUT NABOO DOESN’T LOOK RIGHT. HE DOESN’T LOOK BAD JUST WRONG – IT’S PROBABLY THE LACK OF TURBAN, MOSTLY.

“SHALL WE GO?” NABOO SNAPS. LEROY GUESSES HE MIGHT NOT BE OVERLY HAPPY WITH THIS ARRANGEMENT.

THERE’S A TAXI WAITING OUTSIDE. VINCE CLIMBS INTO THE BACK, TUCKING HIS BOUNCY SKIRTS UNDER HIS LEGS.

HE’S GRINNING AS THE OTHER THREE CLAMBER IN, BOLLO IN THE FRONT.

“I’M GETTING MARRIED IN A MINUTE!”

“I SHOULD BLODY WELL HOPE SO! I’M NOT WEARING THIS DRESS FOR FUN, YOU KNOW?”

VINCE IGNORES HIM, STILL GRINNING ALL THE WAY TO THE ZOONIVERSE (WHERE THEY’RE HAVING THE SERVICE; NOT JUST FOR A LITTLE DAY OUT).

\--

HOWARD IS WAITING AT THE ALTER, WRINGING HIS HANDS TOGETHER, HIS BEADY EYES DARTING ALL OVER THE PLACE.

BOB FOSSIL – WHO, DESPITE HOWARD’S PROTEST, IS THE MINISTER FOR THE OCCASION - STANDS BESIDE HIM.

SUDDENLY THE MUSIC BEGINS. IT’S THE CLASSIC WEDDING MARCH, BUT RE-MIXED AS ELECTRO.

THEN, JUST AS SUDDENLY, THERE WAS A LOUD BANG, AND A MULTI-COLOURED EXPLOSION OF COLOUR ABOVE THEIR HEADS.

VINCE APPEARD FROM AROUND THE CORNER, AND HOWARD’S BREATH HITCHED. 

AT THAT MOMENT SOMEONE CAME SPRINTING TOWARDS HOWARD.

“NO! STOP! I’M OLD GREGG!”

“OH, SHIT,” HOWARD MUTTERED, CATCHING VINCE’S EYE, WHO WAS LOOKING UPSET. HE MOVED FORWARD, SO HE WAS STANDING NEXT TO HOWARD.

EVERYONE WAS SILENT THEN. GREGG WAS SCREAMING INTO HIS HANDS FOR A FULL FIVE MINUTES BEFORE RUDI STEPPED UP AND LED HIM AWAY BY THE HAND.

“UMM…. DID YOU INVITE HIM?” VINCE ASKED HOWARD.

“NO. I’M NOT EVEN SURE HOW HE KNEW WE WERE GETTING MARRIED.”

IN THE BACK ROW OF SEATS SOMEONE WHO LOOK SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE BOLLO WAS TRYING TO SNEAK AWAY.

VINCE SIGHED. “SIT DOWN BOLLO. I’M NOT MAD, I JUST WANNA GET MARRIED.”

“AWWW,” SAID EVERYONE IN UNISON.

VINCE TURNED BACK TO HOWARD, WHO WAS A LITTLE RED IN THE FACE, AND GRINNED.

“LET’S DO THIS, SHALL WE?”

HOWARD NODDED, WITH A SMALL WHIMPER.

\--

LATER AT THE RECEPTION – OR ‘PARTY’, AS VINCE WAS CALLING IT – THE MARRIED COUPLE WERE DANCING THEIR FIRST DANCE.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE I LET YOU PICK THE MUSIC!” HOWARD LAUGHED INTO HIS MAN-WIFES HAIR, WRAPPING HIS ARMS TIGHTLY AROUND HIS WAIST.

“OI! YOU MARRY ME, YOU LEARN TO ACCEPT THAT I BELIEVE BOWIE IS GOD, AWRIGHT?”

HOWARD CHUCKLED AGAIN. “I THINK I ACCEPTED THAT A LONG TIME AGO VINCE. I’VE HAD YOUR MIXED CD IN MY CAR FOR A GOOD FEW MONTHS NOW AND I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO TURN IT OFF.”

VINCE REFUSED TO MEET HOWARD’S EYE.

“YOUR UNCLE’S PRETTY DRUNK. HE WAS SHOUTING AT THE CHEESE PLANT EARLIER.”

“HE’S A STRANGE MAN, MY UNCLE BARRY. A BIT OF AN ALCOHOLIC TOO.”

“HMMM,” VINE REPLIED, RESTING HIS HEAD ON HOWARD’S CHEST.

SUDDENLY, THE MUSIC CHANGED; A HEAVY ROCK NUMBER BLASTING THROUGH THE HOUSE.

“STOP HOGGING THE DANCE FLOOR YOU TWO!” SABOO SHOUTED, BARGING THROUGH THE CROWD.

WITHIN SECONDS THE AREA CLEARED TO MAKE THE DANCE FLOOR WAS PACKED WITH PEOPLE. MORE PEOPLE, IN HOWARD’S OPINION, THAT SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIT INSIDE THE ROOM. HE MUST REMEMBER TO ASK NABOO ABOUT THAT.

HOWARD LEFT VINCE TO DANCE, WITH A FINAL KISS AND WENT TO GO GET A DRINK, LOOKING, FOR THE FIRST TIME, AT THE ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAD BEEN INVITED.

MOST OF THEM WERE VINCE’S FRIENDS, PEOPLE LIKE JAQUES LE CUBE AND MAMA ZOOM. THEN THERE WERE ALL THE PARKA PEOPLE, THE SHAMAN COUNCIL, JOEY MOOSE. HOWARD WAS EVEN SURE HE’D SEEN A POLAR BEAR LOOKING A LITTLE UNHAPPY, BUT HE STAYED CLEAR OF HIM. 

RUDI HAD RETURNED WITH GREGG ONCE THE CEREMONY WAS OVER, AND GREGG HAS QUIETLY APOLOGISED TO HOWARD. HOWEVER, NEITHER OF THEM HAD BEEN SEEN FOR A WHILE. HOWARD DIDN’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT TOO MUCH.

\--

BY FOUR IN THE MORNING MOST OF THE GUESTS HAD LEFT. HOWARD’S FAMILY HAD GONE BACK TO THE HOTEL THERE WERE STAYING AT, BRYAN HAD RETIRED TO THE SPARE BEDROOM AND NABOO WAS PASSED OUT ON THE COUCH.

VINCE SIDLED UP TO HOWARD AND RAN A HAND DOWN HIS CHEST.

“IT’S ALL OVER NOW. WANNA GO AND CELEBRATE IN PRIVATE?” VINCE ASKED IN A SILKY TONE.

HOWARD GRABBED HIS WRIST AND RAN.


End file.
